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 i think i have a dopamine deficiency and intense anhedonia i cant enjoy eating anymore

i get happy and entertained but it feels dulled 

i have to bombard myself with several things and distractions just to not lose my mind over the fact im real... i feel not real but real at the same time 

i feel nothing from it at all, it feels like eating is nothing

i like thinking about eating but actually doing it is nothing.

i feel nothing from everything or very dulled emotions or like im faking

not really truly experiencing anything like a typical human because i am no longer a human nor do i think i ever was...

i feel like such an ungrateful brat because i have so much stuff that would make anyone else happy

but my circumstances are hard like im constantly on a thin line/ i cant function enough to be in this life, i constantly want to kill myself but im so scared . im so scared

i want to kill myself more than ever. im tired of whining of this issue and nothing to be done. no one can help me or lsiten to me. icant even put into words how i feel. its totally miserable and i feel worse cause anyone else in my positon would be happy (in my life) but my brain is broken its terrible

i really want it to end. every morning i wake up full of dread disgusting. i feel terrible. i want it to end so badly i just want it to stop i want to feel normal again so badly. nothing else matters i just want to feel better i wish i felt like i was living but i also just want this to end because life is so scary and nothing will make me revert back to the way i was 

everyone only offers empty words and promises