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 i am currently reading higurashi meakashi 

i really love shion-chan so far and satoshi is soooo cute, im glad to finally see his personality~ and the dynamic between the sonozaki sisters more <3

its nice to see things from her pov because watanagashi is my favorite questions arc i think (or the first one tbh bc it left as rly big impression on me x) !!

im not too far, im on chapter 7 on meakashi

i will continue reading...no spoilers...

so far ive read all the questions arcs (obviously) and onisarashi + whatever the console arc adaptation title for that is i really enjoyed learning about natsumi too, shes very underrated and super duper cute!

i will maybe update this as i read and think more about meakashi but im not too good with making reviews or blog stuff and it hurts me to type and put my thoughts into writing lol

i like the settings outside of hinamizawa but im starting to miss it again...and i miss rena so much!!! it was a blessing to get to talk to her in the start of meakashi..shes so creepy but so cute 

 

 

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 i think i have a dopamine deficiency and intense anhedonia i cant enjoy eating anymore

i get happy and entertained but it feels dulled 

i have to bombard myself with several things and distractions just to not lose my mind over the fact im real... i feel not real but real at the same time 

i feel nothing from it at all, it feels like eating is nothing

i like thinking about eating but actually doing it is nothing.

i feel nothing from everything or very dulled emotions or like im faking

not really truly experiencing anything like a typical human because i am no longer a human nor do i think i ever was...

i feel like such an ungrateful brat because i have so much stuff that would make anyone else happy

but my circumstances are hard like im constantly on a thin line/ i cant function enough to be in this life, i constantly want to kill myself but im so scared . im so scared

i want to kill myself more than ever. im tired of whining of this issue and nothing to be done. no one can help me or lsiten to me. icant even put into words how i feel. its totally miserable and i feel worse cause anyone else in my positon would be happy (in my life) but my brain is broken its terrible

i really want it to end. every morning i wake up full of dread disgusting. i feel terrible. i want it to end so badly i just want it to stop i want to feel normal again so badly. nothing else matters i just want to feel better i wish i felt like i was living but i also just want this to end because life is so scary and nothing will make me revert back to the way i was 

everyone only offers empty words and promises 

i like

 i like plaing games and watching anime.

i like playing games, toys, reading, watching anime, cartoons.

i like watching a lot shows, movies anime, cartoons.

i like reading a lot.

i like reading novels

i like nonfiction, horror, and manga.

i like to read.

i like to watch anime

i like anime that is slice of life, supernatural, cute girls, comedy/slapstick

i like anime from different eras.

i like movies and shows.

i like anime and cartoons from america and canada and france

i like many animated

i like movies

i like movies with blood and killing people

i love psychological horror

i love killing movies and shows and anime and games

i like many things and having fun and enjoying and listening  

weird people and weird things

 i think my perception of weird must be totally off

well

it's more like yeah, i do have the social awareness to know whats typically out of the norm

but my thing is

people make exceptions now

other weird people are judging those for being "weirder". like anime fans judging anime fans, or selfshippers judging other self shippers, or gay people judging trans people or weirder gay people or kink infighting or fandom discourse

we are all weird to normies

why are we trying to outweird eachother? what does "weird" even mean? what is it? what is anything?!

as a kid, i think a lot of things i did and liked are considered very, very WEIRD! and i haven't changed at all. i guess that might be seen as "bad", but that's another concept that i don't understand. it's less that i don't get it and more like...i just don't care. i really don't care about social norms or fitting in...but i guesss i kinda do too due to the fact i limit myself. it's becuz im scared. its not rlly for ego purposes but im scared of being outcasted more than i already am...online no less...we are all fuckin losers, why alienate people unless theyre like really really mean and bullies and refuse to get better or are like..racist or something?! and even then, i dont think anyone deserves to be isolated like that. 

while in the middle of typing this it seems my thinkpad decided to crap out snd freeze. so glad that blogger saved what i was writing (thanks Google...) that sorta ruined my thoughts tho so i dont feel like writing the rest of this. yadda yadda everyone lacks empathy i hate online spaces and i feel extremely out of place online irl everywhere and i want to kill myself, especially seeing weird people like selfshipers tell "weirdos" to die and go away. what posers. they all probably are insecure and hate themselves deep down, so they need someone to hate on instead to make them feel better about themself.

people like that are really on my shitlist...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqhJfjbNuQg

 i hope that you're the one . . .

if not...

you are the prototype  ~ 

we'll tip toe to the sun 

 and do thangs...

i know you'll likee....

i think i'm in love........again........

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqhJfjbNuQg 

 

if i could sing, i would make a cover of this song and post it ^.^ 

i'd like to be able to sing this to someone too one day!